Yesterday was honestly a fucked up day.

In the first six hours of this day a pipe bomb was found, an officer was shot in the line of duty, and a man went into an elementary school and killed babies. The news out of Connecticut seems to have affected the weather today; it’s been overcast ad damp. Yesterday and today you can tell there is a collective numbness. People are asking at random times how anyone could just walk into an Elementary school and shoot babies, what in God’s name would compel someone to take life that has barley begun. Reporters did a lot of pausing; many holding back emotions. Even the President couldn’t make it.

It was a fucked up day.

Here in my city we woke up to a shooting near my house; two police officers were serving a warrant and were shot by a 21 year old man with no prior record. One officer died leaving behind four children ages 14-2. She was 32. When the news crews filmed the Police Commissioner he was clearly pissed at the whole situation; this was the seventh shooting of its kind in recent years. Also during the day police found a pipe bomb near Midtown in a residential area. No one was hurt.

It was a fucked up day

Twenty-four hours and it all seems surreal; that this much mayhem could’ve happen is boggling. There was a rush of communication when the news came about the shooting; the number of dead rose, they found the shooter’s mother dead, they knew his name and later didn’t. People took to Twitter and Facebook and everywhere else to talk about American’s aggressive nature, gun culture, gun laws and whatnot. It honestly got to be too much that I was reading people turning the mourning period into an anti-gun/gun rights debate. People complained about some posting news of a man stabbing kids in China and comparing that to the shooting.

Now we are in the second day and the inevitable idolization of the event is happening. The ritual in which shortly after a tragic national event the news media dips it gold and worships it like the Hebrews did the golden calf. Where once was raw, honest emotion there will be false sounding statements of outrage or solidarity. And also into this fray come the political pundits to discuss the political narrative. Will Obama push stricter gun control? How will the GOP react?

And as much as it may be needed, it feels so inappropriate. Actually anything we say and do seems inappropriate in light of this.

Someone posted that a number of parents will be going to homes with Christmas presents hid for children that will never open them. It was a true statement and a deep one; it was also really fucked up. Just like the whole of yesterday. There will be no way for many to console these parents. To create a life and to loose it like this will kill your soul. It is like loosing a limb or a part of your soul; it will heal in time but the sensation and the emotion won’t totally fade. You never stop grieving and you never experience it the way some will tell you. Its like a sensory memory; some small thing can bring it all screaming back.

In the weeks coming we will know more about the people involved then we honestly have a right to know. Maybe more than they will be willing to share. We will hear from those who survived similar ordeals, doctors, counselors, and even FBI agents. We will vilify the shooter and his family; we will ask why and how and what’s next.

And then we will move on, leaving those who lost the most to pick up their lives and live with the ghosts.

And that is fucked up

Let me say to those who lost their children, their niece/nephew, grandchild , or godchild I wish you peace and to let you know that it is honestly okay to feel whatever you are feeling.    


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